“Todo Llegara a Su Tiempo” Vol. 3 (Poetry Series)

If I am being honest, it’s been pretty hard for me lately. The theme of loss has been surrounding me for the past two months and at times the feeling suffocates me. Yet, through it all, I’ve found a safe space. I’ve found peace in areas of my life where I once feared. I’m learning to be more open about my experiences with people I trust and allowing my vulnerability to show. Tomorrow is not promised to us, so let’s lay it out all on the table. Let’s live honestly. Here is Vol. 3:

Smile

Serendipity couldn’t have made this happen more perfectly

A prayer couldn’t have brought you down from heaven anytime sooner
A smile couldn’t be much brighter

I been eatin’ right and sleepin’ through the night
For the first time in a long time

I didn’t need an explanation as to how it happened
All I needed was to see saint written on your skin to know it was all god’s power

Unspoken truths slipped from our lips
Like cursive written on slum garage doors
Beautiful disasters is what we were

 

Was I not

I needed a reason to let go

Like when I was 12 and I rode my bike a block or two further away than usual
Just to experience what it would feel to be away and never return

Or when I when I was 15 and I decided to pop 16 & miraculously made it to school fine. Just a bit frazzled.

Gazing into your eyes felt the same

Each moment I would pray you’d stay but subconsciously I prayed for myself

Because the truth was, my spirit will never be tamed
A peace I still struggle to find

Must be why I always misplace my keys or lose track of my mind

I wish I was better
I wish I was sane

I needed a reason to let go
But you left me instead

 

The best part

The best parts of me are still with you.
Like lost socks left in empty dryers
Unable to find its pair

We shared everything from river side grass to elbow scars
Memories that badly pierce my mind
Just like that bad nipple piercing that left you in pain for weeks

It’s only been weeks
But it feels like eternity
And an eternity is what I now have to live without the person I once was

She loved you
I know she did
Because every love song she sang brought goosebumps to her skin
Brittle winters didn’t feel so cold with you by her side
Rainy days weren’t as gloomy
When it’s cozier inside
Silly giggles lead to heated touches
Sweet velvet kisses
and breakfast for lunches

The best parts of me are still with you.
The best of we are lost and gone.

 

I Miss You

There’s not a moment I can’t recall my grandmother not sharing her wisdom. 

My grandmother was the kind of person who took her life’s hardships, and like an open book, she would teach you about compassion, true love, and how to tell people to stick it where the sun don’t shine when you’ve had enough.

 

In the final days I spent with her, her silence was her peaceful of way saying, 

“I have taught you all that I can.”

 

And even then, I know she for sought her days counted, and so she made me pray. Through prayer and grace, she prepared me to be strong for this very moment. And when it was my turn, I spent days praying for her peace. 

 

When people ask me about my upbring or “where I come from” I like to think to myself that I come from a lineage of brave women. The women in my life have taught me the value in compassion and faith, all the while, teaching me the importance of using my voice to defend my self-worth. And out of all these women, I’ve learned the most from my Mama Rita.

 

Today we all here to honor the life of my grandmother Rita Estrada. On behalf my family and friends alike, my grandmother’s presence in our lives gave us strength, hope, and faith. 

 

My grandmother blessed me with endless wisdom that has guided me through some of the toughest times of my life. She always knew what to say and when to call. Even when I was too stubborn to listen, she was there, by my side, ready to listen.

 

I know my grandmother did not die in vain. She lived her life’s purpose. She was brought to this earth to remind us all that life goes on, no matter how bad it gets. My grandmother was a beacon of strength, demonstrating through her gracious resilience that even when life seems unbearable, faith will help you withstand it all. 

I love her dearly, always. 

….

See you later alligator.